Today, August 10th, is Kylie Jenner’s 20th birthday. That’s right, 20. And what better way to celebrate her day than to look back at everything we’ve said about her this year?
Happy birthday, Kylie. In the highly unlikely case you’re reading this right now — thanks for the ride, girl.
Kylie’s adventures at Coachella
This is the time that ol’ girl showed up “looking like a 12-pack of uncapped, fluorescent highlighters vomited all over her head. Or better yet, as if she spilled the insides of a million glowsticks over her dang skull after her weekly neighborhood rave.” I stand by that description.
Kylie also had an awkward reunion with Tyga that weekend, a dude I proudly described as “a man who once dreamed of being a prolific rapper, but has now settled for being a two-hit-wonder who traded his soul to Ursula the sea witch for a chance to be forever associated with the Kardashian-Jenner brand.” Stand by that one, too.
The first look at “Life of Kylie”
When the very confusing “Life of Kylie” trailer premiered, the “so-called human woman who moonlights as a fluorescent wig monger,” strung together a few cohesive words, saying, “There’s an image that I feel constantly pressured to keep up with and who I really am around my friends.” Sure!
The premiere of the show would reveal itself not as a seamless blend of horror and reality TV, but just really boring.
And then she talked about never going to prom
It’s likely that Mama Kris told Kylie she has a relatability problem — I mean, that’s probably why “Life of Kylie” got the green light as is. Part of the latter’s attempt to make herself seem more than just a young lady with a lot of money and a sheltered life was to make the simple admission that she never went to prom.
“I was home-schooled,” she explains. “It was really sad, actually.” Succint!
Then, the premiere of “Life of Kylie” proved our worst fears
Well, not exactly. My worst fears have nothing to do with anyone in the Jenner-Kardashian clan — I worry more about like, North Korea and nuclear war. But the “Life of Kylie” premiere was pretty horrible. And all of Kylie’s attempts to be “real” were pretty dang fake.
So yeah, it’s probably more fun to read reviews of “Life of Kylie” than actually suffer through the show. But your choice.
And that’s not even mentioning her terrifying wax figure, or the time that Tyga maybe wrote a diss track about her. Girl lives a full life.
Happy birthday, Kylie girl!
