National Bacon Day: Celebrate your greatest obsession with these products
Happy National Bacon Day, a totally real holiday celebrating America’s greatest obsession (behind Kim Kardashian, guns and Donald Trump).
If you want to celebrate this most holy of holidays we have a complete list of things that will help satiate your craving for fried trans fats beyond bacon itself.
1) Sizzl: a dating app for bacon lovers
Oscar Meyer, the company that makes weiners, lunch meats, bacon and other “meat” products introduced this dating app to the world this fall. We’re not sure how successful it is.
One reviewer wrote:
“Every time I go on a date with a girl I meet from this app, everything seems to be going well until we get back to my place. As soon as I leave the room for even a minute, she is gone and has stolen all of the bacon from my fridge. 2/5 would probably recommend to close friends.”
2) Bacon flavored soda : for those without taste buds
Seriously, who would drink this? Why not just useipecac?
3) Bacon chapstick
4) Bacon scented candles
For those who love the smell of breakfast and wish it would fill their entire house all the time.
5) Fifty shades of bacon, the book
6)Boink N’ Oink bacon flavored lube: for those without a gag reflex
We’re not sure this product is really the best choice for this specific need. One Amazon reviewer wrote about how inadequate it was as a sexual lubricant. Now the reviewer may have been joking, but she does say it “does however smell and taste very similar to everyone’s favorite fried swiney snack, enough so that my youngest son Timmy mistakenly used it as a condiment with no complaints after I accidentally brought it home from work.”
7) Bacon body wash
If rolling around in cooled down bacon grease just isn’t doing the trick anymore, why not indluge in some bacon body wash that apparently also acts as a great bear lurer for those who enjoy hunting.
As one Amazon reviewer wrote:
“I was tired of bear hunting. Oh sure, it sounds exciting. But, in reality, it’s the same thing every time. We go out into the woods and wander around looking for something to shoot at.
With Accoutrements Bacon Body Wash everything has changed! Now bear hunting is a family affair!!! I Simply have the wife and kids shower with it, toss them in the truck and drive to the woods. “Go play!” I say as I follow along as if I’m Father of the Year… all while the lovely odor of bacon wafts off my bait… er.. my family. In no time at all the bears come a runnin’!”
8) Bacon unisex pajamas
The key selling point here is clearly the ‘unisex’ part.
9) Bacon bandages
For when you burn yourself while cooking bacon.
10) Bacon socks
A staple for every person’s closet.
Matt Lee is a Web producer for Metro New York. He writes about almost everything and anything. Talk to him (or yell at him) on Twitter so he doesn’t feel lonely@mattlee2669.