OK, here's a fun game. In the latest issue of Details magazine, Brad Pitt is featured in a fancy photo series shot by Mark Seliger, and instead of a full accompanying interview, the magazine dapples the images with some "interesting" quotes by Pitt. One of them actually is pretty interesting, actually: "I was once talked into a film for 'career maintenance.' I have not made that mistake since," Pitt says. Which begs the question, which film is he talking about?
While Pitt has generally been pretty good at picking projects, he's gotten really careful since shacking up with Angelina Jolie. But that also coincides nicely with his production company, Plan B, getting more clout. So I'm putting my money on 2004's laughable "Troy," an uncharacteristically Big Hollywood choice for Pitt — and one that he looks palpably uncomfortable in. There's also a slight possibility he's talking about "the Mexican," but that film's kind of adorable in its own scruffy way, and Pitt seemed to be having such a good time doing it that I doubt it. I'm still going with the terrible, terrible swords-and-sandals epic misfire.
It's Taylor Swift Album Release Day, y'all! Oh wait, maybe forget the y'all, as she's not really a country artist anymore. Anyway, today marks the release of Swift's latest album, "1989," and it kicks off with a track you might've heard already — since Swift released it last week in advance of the album — called "Welcome to New York." So, you know, welcome! So why is she being so "willkommen, bienvenue, welcome!" to everyone for a city she's only been living in for a tiny bit? Because she's trying to speak her truth, obviously. "I never thought I'd live in New York, because I thought I'd be too overwhelmed by how busy and bright and crazy the city is," Swift tells Esquire. "Then all of a sudden, this year, all I wanted to do was live in New York. I never thought I would be so happy being completely unattached to anyone romantically." And from that, she was inspired to write a song that will be the theme for NYU and Columbia freshman orientation weekends for at least the next three years. Listen, I'm glad Swift's new home is so inspiring, but I'd imagine any city would be great to live in when you can snatch up a $19.9 million apartment.
You might've gotten upset about the idea of Paris Hilton getting paid more than $1 million for a DJ set, but you've got nothing on actual DJ Deadmau5. He got so worked up, he had to write a scathing Tumblr post about the whole thing. "Personally, I would pay about as much to see her "perform" as Indy fans would pay to watch me struggle to get out of first gear and 20 feet off the starting grid in an Indy500 race without ending up in a wreck," he writes. "Get the f--- back in your go-kart. No need to prove that you found someone stupid enough to consider paying you a million dollars for something the world knows you aren't. Because here's what you actually are to everyone who knows better: ticket sales. Nothing more."
Well, this is awkward. After Mindy Kaling spoke recently at the New Yorker Festival, she was accosted by a "tipsy man in his 80s" who cornered her and told her, "Congratulations on your Nobel Prize," mistaking her for 17-year-old Pakistani activist Malala Yousafzai, who was recently awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Kaling took it well, at least, saying afterward, "Did he really think I'm Malala? And that if I were I'd be at the Boom Boom Room?" according to the New York Times. "That's the best thing that's happened all night."
Here's something interesting (and that's putting it mildly). Musician Rob Cantor composed and arranged a new song, "Shia LaBeouf," a thrilling tale of being lost in the woods and terrorized by the infamous actor and sometimes performance artist. In the song, LaBeouf is revealed to be a sadistic cannibal. "He's almost upon you now and you can see there's blood on his face," Cantor speak-sings. "My God, there's blood everywhere!"
But that's just the song. The video for it, a live performance in a theater space, features Cantor backed by a band, a string quartet, the West Los Angeles Children's Choir and the Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles, plus choreographed dancers — some wearing giant papier-mache LaBeouf heads — Kung fu fighters and aerialists. It's better than coffee. There's even a twist ending, which is even more delicious when you realize it's a visual reference to "Citizen Kane." Because why not? Prepare to have this song stuck in your head all day.
Follow Ned Ehrbar on Twitter:@nedrick